Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
