so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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