It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
