I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
