You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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