glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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