I want to walk on stilts...naked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
