ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize