Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
