Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
