my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
