I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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