the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
