Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
