ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
