Too much gin, very little bucket
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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