i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
