Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize