wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
