that's an acceptable place to lick
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
