i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
