A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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