I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
