so let's talk penis.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
