one two three fourrrrnication!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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