It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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