Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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