I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
