i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
