I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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