mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
