One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
