dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize