You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
