I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
