if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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