can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am available for nakedness
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
