My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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