Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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