Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
