god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
