All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
