Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
