That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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