my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
