I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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