I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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