Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
