My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i out mim tonsoeep
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