i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
