Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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