dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
