She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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