just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
