Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
