Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
