i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
