goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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