allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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