I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
