I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
