woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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