MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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