And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Are my feet made of real feet?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
