my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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