Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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