I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
