oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
