Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
