It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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