evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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