btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
50% drunk capacity currently
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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