we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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