sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
